Is it about me?

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 02:06:58 GMT

In cali after a longish flight. So far i have had a good time. I met all Mr. Driver's (:-)) friends and they are pretty interesting people, i like them. I also met Paul and i have to say he is a cool guy. I really like him. We went on a really nice boat ride, it was a bit cold but fun. Got a little buzzed on all the champagne. Now we are just chilling and my hands are cold. Umm... yeah... thats all for now pretty much. Feel a little weird cause of my off and on pill thing and the dumb ass movie i watched and was forced to turn off cause it litterally blowed. I hope the 'weather' gets better

Things to do

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 14:00:08 GMT

Yesterday i wrote a list of things i want to do or achieve before i die, here is what i have so far. I am hoping to continue to add to it

1. Fall in love
2. Donate $1 million to charity
3. Make an Archeological find
4. Host the Oscars
5. Win Oscar for best actress
6. Win Oscar for best director
7. Write a novel
8. Write a screen play
9. Visit Every Country
10. Sail the Seven Seas
11. See the Seven Wonders of the World
12. Reach the pole of the North
13. Reach the pole of the South
14. Climb Mt. Everest
15. Sail through Bermuda Triangle
16. Hike through Amazon Jungle
17. Explore Egyptian Pyramids
18. Walk along the Great Wall
19. Own a horse
20. Witness a tornado
21. Build a house
22. Get pilots license
23. Volunteer in Africa
24. Survive 3 days in the desert
25. Hike the Rockies
26. Climb Grand Canyon
27. Hike Appalachian Trail
28. Sky Dive
29. Bungee jump
30. White water raft through class 5 rapids
31. Scuba dive off Great Barrier Reef
32. Swim with Dolphins
33. Swim with Sharks
34. Climb bridge in Sydney
35. Finish movie collection
36. Climb all the stairs in the Empire State Building

tell me what else you think should be done. I sugest making your own its kinda fun to do.

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 19:30:50 GMT

Wow i come back from like 3 days away and i find the world turned on its ear. I perferr to saty out of things that really don't concern me though so all i am gonna say is that ahhhh its is almost time for yankee home coming. but hey also on the same day charlie and the chocolate factory comes out the 6th harry potter book does too so woo hoo go excitment. I am really relieved to hear that Alison and her family are ok, thank god for small mercies.
Live long
and live well
don't burn bridges that you might later need.
accept people for their good qualities
don't pick at their bad because we all have them

Shit

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 23:43:07 GMT

Wow has it been awhile since i wrote in this. Like 2 months or something. I am well, just over worked, as are we all. Today, as i was taking a shower, i was thinking about college and what i wanted to do. The answer i got was not comforting, i am no longer sure that acting is what i want to do. Maybe its because i haven't done it in a while or maybe i just used it as an excuse to not think of something else. I don't know what i want to do!!! And the college i choose is based off of decisions like that. I don't know where to go anymore cause i don't know what to do. USC is too far away, costs alot to see family and friends, and go there, only wanted to go there for theater. But its warm, i know the campus, and they have other worthy programs. Ithaca, is too cold, cost a pretty sum, harder to switch majors, have never seen the campus, and its cold. But i am already accepted into the history program there, my best friend is there, and its close to home. Umass has my brother, its not the best college, known for partying, and i am only accepted into the theater program. But it is cheap, close to home, has my brother, many of my pals are there and its easy to switch majors.

I JUST DON"T KNOW AND THAT FUCKING SCARES ME!! not knowing what you are gonna do with the rest of your life. Realizing that the one thing you have been working toward is not what you really want. Realizing you don't even know who you are anymore. Who am i? all i know is that i am scared.

Meow

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 06:23:35 GMT

the feeling that you thought your life was worthless, but it isn't. How does one handle such a reversal of fortune? How does one continue living after already have done the dying. You just have to start fresh. Start over. Find yourself again.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, that last scene that Mrs. Z had me do with Dillian fucking depressed the shit out of me. I think the other people in the scene felt it too. Some good stuff happened. Especially between Miriam and Dillian.
My fingers hurt and my hand is aching from paint poisoning.
Go PATS!!! i cannot wait til sunday, i get to go into boston with my girl and see my wife!!! i am so excited, it is gonna be awesome. Tomorrow is gonna suck, but hey i can get the chores done rather quickly when i am motivated. weeeeeeeeee, i can't wait

boo

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 02:59:05 GMT

Tired and confused and so not looking forward to this months holiday, i always end up alone doing nothing and feeling digustingly sorry for myself. ehhh fucking commercialism. I also need to find another person to hang with cause i think soon i will be spending a lot of time alone due to the fact that my usual accomplace is going to be detained in other areas that she is currently pursuing. I need to get a life. I need to get friends. I need to find someone, anyone. ehh vat ever i complain and it gets me no where it just makes people annoyed because of my complaining. I stop now and go watch something like paint dry or maybe grass grow. Sound pathetic enough yet?

My Soliloquy (not as good as Kristin's, but hey whose counting)

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 01:25:37 GMT

To love or not to love- that is the dilemma:

Whether ‘tis better for the soul to suffer

The break of heart in likely rejection,

Or to lock feelings in thy mind troubled

And, by neglecting, end them.

To want, to feel

No more-and by not allowing it will cease

The heartache and the thousand days spent

Pondering its truth-

‘tis a blissful ending

Devoutly to be dreamt.

To love, to feel-

To feel, perchance to hope. Yes ‘tis rending

For in that love to feel what hope may come,

When we have forgotten this hopeless need

Must give us grief.

There’s the feeling

That makes a tragedy of longed love.

For who should bear the pain and rejection,

Th’ loved one’s wrong,

The extinguished felt hope,

The pains of despised love,

The constant grief,

The feeling to have died, the need of

Death wanted to end one’s thus unworthy life,

While his pleasure lays with another,

With no thought to him?

Who would bear such pain,

To hurt and die slowly crushed under weight,

But that the fear of nothing after love,

The unfeeling world from whose iron grasp

No wounded will return, makes a soul chaos

And makes us rather feel those pains we have

Than cease to allow to experience?

Thus feelings doth make love stricken all,

And the glorious end of feeling

Is gloomed over with the harsh emptiness,

That reminds us of our ascent to heaven

Brought from loving so deeply another

And cause one never to cease.

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 18:23:14 GMT

everything is fading away... i am losing it, i am losing the person i care about the most, i am losing it, always have fun, i promised myself that, life isn't worth living if you don't enjoy, how fucking true, life isn't worth living, don't enjoy, losing it, its gone... i'm gone

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 01:10:33 GMT

School needs to go away and die!!!!! Can't wait to leave, mother fucker.
At least now we are actually working on the play in theater and soon next semester will start and maybe i might actually get interesting classes. Maybe...
My teeth hurt real bad but soon, soon, i will be free
oh crap i have to do my pics tonight, sigh, being a senior is stressful, i wish they gave us a little more heads up...

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 01:57:03 GMT

and today went by fast, i don't remember it at all. hmmmm... Now i am aware and my aunt got fired from her job and is freaking out about my other aunt who is trying to kill herself. I honestly wish it was still 3:00pm, hanging with mike and kristin, i wouldn't have to deal with this. Sigh... oh well ssdd

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 01:21:06 GMT

When i lost faith, you believed in me.
When i stumbled, you were right there.
For every act of love you've done, i owe you one.

There were hard times.
I know i survived just because you stayed by my side
With all i have, with all i am, i promise you all my life.

Whenever the road is too long,
Whenever the wind is too strong,
Wherever this journey may lead to,
I will be there for you.
Oh, i will be there for you.

Through sorrow,
On the darkest night,
When there's heartache deep down inside,
Just like a prayer,
You will be there,
And i promise you all my life.

Whenever the road is too long,
Whenever the wind is too strong,
Wherever this journey may lead to,
I will be there for you.
Oh, i will be there...

I'll always be there.

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 01:13:29 GMT

don't Mack dog and Pam look scary. That is me defying them to the end. Or just looking at Kevin defying them until the end. Those were the good days. I miss all you crazy characters in the ward. Sigh... anyways in solute to Trista-

Darkness is the glowing field of light,
As though in meadows filled with wildflowers,
Vast and lovely in the midnight hours,
Each blossom bloomed throughout the winter night.

Know there is no sense without delight.
Although perception lie beyond our powers,
The choice of happiness is always ours.
However dark and passionate our plight,
Yet love remains our first, most precious right.

Pot

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 02:44:30 GMT

Oh it does make me fly
Life just passes on by
Nothing around me is real
I think i am going to keel
Instead i fall to the ground
I am gravity bound
The ceiling looks so crazy
The corners of my eyes are hazy
There might be someone over there
But i'm not sure i really care
I am giggling like a fool
But i just feel so cool
I see a flashing on a screen
It draws me to its scene
The colors are swirling round
Oh look what i found
A pen cap just sitting here
I better keep it near
Oh wow are those my hands
They kinda look like fans
You know, the chinese thing
That are shaped like a wing
Of a bird that flys though the air
I think i will sit in this chair
Hey there is someone on the floor
On the beach, on the shore
Maybe i should take a walk
But i don't know how to work the lock
So i am stuck in this room
Hey, that looks like a broom
Witches are pretty neat
To bad people burned their feet
I need some coffee
Or a nice toffee
The carmel kind
I am coming from behind
The person on the floor jumps
Ow, that will cause a lump
I think i will have some
MMM i am so numb
ahhhhhhhh

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 00:33:56 GMT

Actually i am not going to write the rest of my vacation cause i am now bored of thinking about it. Lets just say shit happened and thats all.

Why does she try to make me cry
Why do i wish she would die
Why do i feel nothing when shes ill
Why does she bend me to her will
Why am i nothing inside
Why do i always try to hide
Why can't i be what i should
Why don't i say i could
Why has she wounded me so deep
Why can't i seem to get to sleep
Why can't i die
Why must i stay and cry
Now is the time to be
What i know is still in me
Those who love this empty husk
Do not cry in the dusk
I am here, somewhere
I just can't escape what is not there

My Vacation: Part II

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 03:17:23 GMT

Bam, Bam. That was what the planed did when it hit the ground. The piliot kinda sucked. I heard a dude in the back say everyone down, probably a veteren or something. Me and the dude sitting next to me just laughed. So we landed but had to wait on the runway for 30min cause someone was in our spot, finally they took us to a different one. Then we disembarked, i never got to say bye to the dude, but oh well. That was also the last i saw of Ricky Davis. I checked my messages and behold my mother left me one. She pretty much said that i would be the only one reaching california most likely cause her plane was delayed and conner and katie got stuck in atlanta. So i was like yeah i get to sleep at the airport nice. My next plane was also delayed, i think i was in chicago. So i waited for an hour, called kristin and was like yeah i'm fucked and then my cell phone died and i was like shit, how am i gonna talk to my mom. So i went in search of plug and that took 30min before someone was like heres one and i was like thanks. Then 15min later we boarded and i sat in the exit rowand the attendent asked if i could handle the responisbility and i said yes of course.
Then the piliot came on and said that there is something wrong with the engines and that they were having people look at it. So 45min later he said it might take a little longer but we can't leave the plane cause of security risks and to just be patient. I was like yeah eat shit. 30min later the captian said they know whats wrong with it and now they are gonna go get the part. 20min later he said they are installing the part. 45min later he said the were testing it. 15min later he said they had to do some paper work. finally 10min later he said we were leaving. We get up to the run way and he says there is a plane stalled on it and he can't take off yet. 30min later we are in the air.
Shark tales was playing but i had no headset and they were charging so i was like fuck it and tried to sleep. Unfortunately there was also an exit row behind me so i couldn't put my chair all the way back. Fucking a. no sleep for me. We land and the captain drove around for like 20 min before he said that we have to wait because someone is in our spot, again. So he parked near some sketching looking hangers. 30min later we disembarked and i got a call from my mother saying she had the rental car and was already checked into the hotel and she would be picking me up at baggage claim. So she got me and we drove and she told me that my bro and katie were staying with my cousins in atlanta and that they would get on a plane tomorrow. I was like whatever. As we drove my mom ran threw a red light just as it turned red and all these lights went off. I was like, we are being obducted my mom said to shut up and that they were camras. So we got a ticket. That night i got to sleep in conner's and katie's room and it was cold. and the pillows sucked but i had two so it was ok.

To be Countinued....

My Vacation: Part 1

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 22:20:58 GMT

WARNING: THE CONTENTS MIGHT NOT BE ALL THAT INTERESTING TO YOU. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Thump thump, slam... "kendal, you might want to wake up and start getting ready", not like i could do anything else with my mom slamming around, jesus. That was how my vacation started. I was already packed for the most part so i just took my things downstairs and started helping my brother and katie count a pile of change. They were trying to get money because they were gonna be in la longer than me and mom and were kinda short on cash. So we counted and my mom would randomly come in and shout orders. All i heard though was blah blah blah kendal blah blah.
As my brother, katie and i put stuff in the car we noticed crap on the ground that looked like it had been stepped in. It had my brothers print in it so he looked at his shoe and low and behold it had shit on it. Katie also had it on the top of her shoe from conner stepping on her. I of course laughed my ass off. Then katie rolled one of the bags through it and it stuck for a second and then fell off, i howled. Then Conner poured soda on me. Bastard.
We arrived at the airport a little later than we planned because my mom had missed the exit. So she asked conner to help me check in because i guess i am too stupid to do so. We all were on different airlines. My mom on continental, Conner and katie first class on delta and me on american. So conner stood with me in line and we got up to the counter and the girl said oh sorry this isn't your name. We can't board you because your photo id doesn't match your ticket, it was in my mother's name (mother fucker)... the earth fell away and i was floating in a cloud of chaos on the one hand i was like yes i don't have to go and do the whole hectic traveling and seeing family thing but on the other hand what if it would be fun and i actually have an exciting story to tell when i get home. I looked at my brother and he gave me the thumps up and asked if the lady could change the ticket. She said hang a moment. so we waited and waited and waited. I watched a little girl trying to carry a backpack twice the size of her. She put it on and then fell like a tree. Her mom was like, maybe i should take that. The girl got up and was like all confused (it was so cute) Finally with 45min til my bro's plane leaves (its in a different terminal, and i still had an hour)the lady came back and said for a hundred dollars they managed to change it. so my bro left and i finished with the lady (her mother gives her truffles and she would have offered one to me but she likes them too much) and i went to stand in the security check line.
While standing there i noticed a really tall hot black man in the line over and i was like umm nice. Once reaching the metal dectector the cute guy there said i was preselected for a pat down (oh goody) and told me to wait over near the enclosed glass cage, from which i heard grunts of discomfort (jk). While waiting there to be felt up the cute guard asked if i liked the celtics, i was like oh no they suck, but i do like basketball. The guard glanced behind me at the black dude who had heard me dis the celtics and was like "that is Ricky Davis, celtic player" i was like oh man, i am gonna get cut. Then the dude told Ricky to stand behind me because he was also preselected. So we got felt up and down at the same time, i even hit with my arm at one point, accidentally.
So i went and got a burger, it took like a half an hour, and i got a call from my bro. His flight had been canceled, hahahahahah. They were waiting to be booked on another one. I didn't get to hear more because they were boarding. Ricky Davis was on my flight also, oh man, he gonna kill me. So we took off and it was all bumpy like and i was sitting next to this dude who has visited all of europe and is going back there to visit his family. He told me to try not to got to school in new england, its to cold he said, he went to a school here himself. So we talked and laughed at random things that happened on the plane. Like the copoliot being dumb and saying wicked random shit. Also when we took off a boy put his arms out and said look dad i'm flying, it was so cute, i almost got up and petted him.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 01:04:11 GMT

Ok, so i just emailed the red cross and hopefully they will get back to me before i return to school. I am going home tomorrow but there is nothing really there for me. Everybody has plans or is gone. Oh well, soon my girl will be back, thats a lie, sigh, worth a wish though. Kristin is organizing a fundraiser for the tsunami victims and i am helping. If you would also like to help, email me or call me tomorrow.

ARGH stir crazy,
Mike needs to hang with me New Years
Kristin needs to call me New Years
I need to get a life
I need to do my apps
I need to start doing the things i need to do

I miss my friends and BC

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 02:30:52 GMT

today was not the way i wanted to start my vacation. Nothing went the way i wanted. Argh i just want to scream. I want to get away from my family, get away from people. I feel like i am about to explode.

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 02:36:11 GMT

RIP- Finnly Peirce, you were the craziest cat ever, and still so young. I wish i could have done something to save you. BC misses you, as do we all.

Harvey will show you around the great upstairs. Love you, and miss you

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 20:00:55 GMT

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

sigh

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 01:14:02 GMT

I wonder if people ever realize that they hurt other people, maybe not on purpose, but that doesn't change the fact that hurts. Or when they take people for granted. We under appreciated people may just one day leave, then what? huh, huh? sigh, i need to do my hw.

There is another world inside of me that you may never see
there are secrets in this life that i can't hide
somewhere in this darkness there is a light that i can't find
maybe its too far away, or maybe i'm just blind

Cause now again i found myself so far down away from the sun
thats shines into the darkest place i'm so far down away from the sun again

I am colorblind, coffee black and egg white, pull me out from inside
i am ready, i am ready, i am taffy stuck and tongue tied
stutter shook and uptight
pull from out from inside
i am ready, i am ready, i am fine

Well this is not for real, afraid to feel, i hit the floor
don't ask for more, i'm wating my time, i'm wasting my time
you can stop the feeling, there is no reason, its made to call, just take it all again
woa hoe again

and i find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad
the dreams in which i'm dying
are the best i've ever head
i find it hard to tell you, i find it hard to take
when people run in circles its a very very mad world

Wed, 24 Nov 2004 19:11:22 GMT

we won color day and i should be happy, but i am not, and i don't know why.
I miss saltara even though its only been a couple of hours, i'm so lonely...
Does Saltara miss me?

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 22:09:45 GMT

i can't breathe out my nose. I really shouldn't have gone to the cast party yesterday, but it was fun. It just made me more sick than i already was.But i stayed home today and recuperated, yeah only one day of school left. I still haven't decided wether i am going to color day or not, maybe for a bit since it is our last, but i am not sure i can handle all the noise and the fact that it is just representing one sport, and the sport where we seem to only be good at losing, while there are tons of other sports teams at our school that actually win games and they don't get a pep rally. Yeah so fucking a, i am not saying i don't like football cause i do, i just hate how it gets things that it has yet to earn.

I am so naughty

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:34:54 GMT

hehehehehe i got in trouble sunday night because my room mate caught me and her son sleeping in the same bed. Unfortunatey it was all very proper. We weren't doing anything (sigh) my cat had peed on his bed and there was no other bed that was made for him so i told him to get a comforter and to come on up. He did and at three in the morning we were woken by the light being turned on and his mother saying "what the fuck are you to doing, i hardly think this is proper". hehehehehe i was also throwing up like all night, so it was hardly romantic or even sexual, though i wouldn't have mind if it was. I thought it was hilarious to be honest.
anyways the play is getting mondo stressful and i don't even have a big part, i just wish people would just stop yelling and would just ask nicely and if some people would just disappear. ARGHHHHH

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 19:20:14 GMT

I am invincable, period. That is pretty much all i have to say, and oh yeah i am the girl. Flirting is really fun, especailly when the object of your affection responds (wink, wink) oh yes, progress progress ladies. We went for a walk last night hehehehehehehehe